Like this:

I am usually a very productive person. I keep a strict schedule, planning out everything from the obvious (class time) to the relatively mundane (when to eat lunch or run errands). And, of course, this schedule accounts for hours of carefully planned practice times at strategic intervals throughout the day. I’m not a particularly uptight person; the reason I have a tight schedule is because if it were any looser, I wouldn’t have one at all. On a normal day, this schedule keeps me busy from 9-7. If you see me, you see me, but chances are you won’t because I’ll be so busy working the whole time. After dinner (from six to seven every day) I go back to my room and do whatever homework I have that remains. At last, I’m free to relax in my room, listen to music, read a book, and basically do whatever I want without guilt or remorse because the rest of my day has been so productive

And then I get sick.

Sometimes, I lose my voice, and that’s obviously a battle all its own. But then there are days like today (and for that matter, the past week): my voice is fine. I am fine. I feel normal… except that I’m exhausted.

This gets to me. I am just healthy enough to appreciate how much time I am wasting trying to get better. My schedule gets pushed around and messed with which, for me, renders the whole thing pointless. I am not practicing, I am brewing tea. I am not practicing, I am running to Walgreen’s for more Sudafed. I am not practicing, I am taking a nap. I am not practicing, I am reading a book. I am not practicing, I am writing a blog about just how miserable it is to have a cold.

The bottom line, of course, is that I am not practicing.

And I like practicing.

The truth is, because I haven’t lost my voice (or even come close) I could practice. However, I am (thankfully) familiar enough with my voice to know that practicing with such low energy and focus would accomplish about one-tenth of what I can get done when I am healthy. And I am also aware that the only thing practicing could do right now is further engrave bad habits of lazy singing and sap any energy I have left.

So, at the end of the day, what I need to focus on is getting healthy so that I can be productive again.

And getting healthy means not being productive at all.

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